


An Angel's Free Will

by HotaruZala



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 06:25:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2057301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HotaruZala/pseuds/HotaruZala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Petra is given a second chance at life to save the one she loves from himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Angel's Free Will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoys this as much as I am enjoying writing it.XD I have been on a fanfic hiatus for a few years and am really excited to get back into it with this beautiful pairing. A lot of what Levi feels in this chapter is very closely related to feelings I have had on and off these past 3 years, so this is written with a lot of love.^ - ^ No flames please. This will be a multi-chapter fic, so expect it to get a little more upbeat than it is right now. XD

He awoke for the third time that evening finding himself reaching out to someone he knew wouldn’t be there.

This last dream had startled him so much that he found himself breathing heavily and breaking out in a cold sweat. It was not even a year ago yet, but he could still remember that horrific day as clear as anything. With the exception of Yeager, his entire squad was decimated in what seemed like mere seconds. The men he had come to respect as brothers and friends were now gone…and so was she. 

The raven-haired captain sat up and buried his face in his hands, taking the time he needed to get himself together. Crying was not going to bring any of them back…nor was it going to bring her back to him. He finally heaved a heavy sigh and got out of bed. It was 5am and he’d only just fallen asleep 2 hours ago. This would most likely be the only sleep he would get all day today. 

He made the bed carefully and then sat back down on it in order to put his boots back on since he’d fallen asleep in his uniform. He then found himself looking around the room and realizing how barren it was without all of her things there. It no longer felt warm and inviting; but cold, lonely, and full of nothing but unspoken words and fleeting memories. The only thing of her’s that remained there besides her pillow, was a patch off of her uniform that he had taken before her lifeless body was thrown into a pyre with the others who had perished. He fingered the bloodied patch gently in his hands as if he were caressing her soft face. There were so many things he had wanted to say to her, so many feelings and touches he’d longed to act upon, but couldn’t because of his position as her captain. He couldn’t even bring himself to cry at her memorial service with all of her friends and family around. He was sure they all thought he was some kind of monster, that he was the horrible villain that had marched her off to the gallows to be executed…and they would be right. It was at times like this when he couldn’t help but flash back to his first few expeditions and what had happened to his friends from the underground, Isabel and Farlan. That had been his fault back then no matter what Erwin said otherwise, and this was his fault too. He’d made the wrong choice back then, and he’d done it again 6 months ago. 

The raven-haired Captain began to wonder if it was healthy for him to be confining himself to her room like this, and it worried him what the others were thinking seeing him behave in this insane way. While the room was no longer as inviting as it used to be, he couldn’t help but feel a small, warm presence lingering in it from time to time when he was in there. As he stood up again and gently smoothed out the wrinkles on her pillow, he couldn’t help bringing his nose down to it and inhaling. It was still full of her sweet, wonderful scent. He loved it, but at the same time he felt as if it was slowly driving him out of his mind. He could smell her, he could feel her presence around him, but he couldn’t see or touch her; nor could he ever taste the sweetness of her lips ever again. 

Now that he had his boots on, Humanity’s Strongest took a deep breath to compose himself before opening the door and stepping back out into harsh reality. He had only taken a few steps down the hall when he noticed Eren, Armin, and Mikasa all standing outside of his bedroom’s door as if contemplating whether or not to enter. He also noticed the young titan shifter was holding something in his hand that looked like an official letter. 

He heard Mikasa say to Eren as she placed a supportive hand on his shoulder: “He needs to know Eren. You were the one that was trusted to give this to him. Armin, myself, nor Miss Hanji is supposed to do this. You’re the only one who can do this…Eren.” Armin nodded silently in support. 

Levi then decided to approach the trio: “What the hell are you three doing here? Don’t you have chores to do?” 

Mikasa pushed Eren forward and he summoned up all of his courage to reply: ” I finished for the day sir.”

Levi sighed in a frustrated manner: “So then, what are you doing here Yeager? Do you need me to inspect your work?” 

Eren responded with shaky hands as he placed the envelope in his Captain’s hands: “A friend of mine told me to give this to you when I felt like the time was right.” 

Levi raised a skeptical eyebrow: “A friend? These two look just as confused as you Yeager, so it can’t be either of them. Which friend do you mean? Is it someone only you can see?”

Mikasa moved to strike him, but Armin grabbed her hand and silently interjected as he turned to Eren and motioned for him to continue. 

Eren nodded and spoke in a solemn tone: “It was Miss Ral sir.” 

The Captain’s gaze on him suddenly turned serious: “You brats didn’t go into her room did you? I told you never to go in there again without my permission…ever.” 

His tone was so extremely icy when he said that, that even the brave Mikasa took a few steps back. However, that didn’t stop her from returning his serious gaze and responding: “Oh, but it’s perfectly normal for you to sleep in there for the past 6 months, when your room is just two doors down and bigger? We alll miss her too, but what you’re doing is borderline psychotic.” 

Armin and Eren both noticed their Captain’s glare growing darker by the second until Armin finally shouted out in Levi’s defense: “You don’t understand Mikasa! I thought you would be the one who would understand this feeling the most!” The blonde then calmed himself as his voice softened: “Sometimes you just feel like you have to be there for someone you care about…even if they’re no longer there.” With that, Armin was blushing slightly and quickly turned on his heels and dashed off down the hallway. 

Mikasa looked somewhat shocked and taken aback by the blonde’s words and wanted to go after him, but right now; she needed to support Eren, who also looked as if he wanted to go chasing after his friend, but first remembered that he had a job to finish. He continued speaking as if nothing had just happened: “None of us entered the room sir. She gave this to me a few months before the expedition and just told me that if anything were to ever happen to her, to give it to you.” 

Levi nodded and hesitantly opened the envelope. There was no letter inside, only a single golden key. This was the key to her locked night stand drawer. Why did she want him to have this? As he turned around to open his mouth and ask that aloud, he noticed that both Eren and Mikasa had disappeared, probably to go look for Armin. The raven-haired captain glanced down at the key in his hand and figured now was as good a time as any. He ventured back into her room and flicked on the lights. He then took a seat on her bed next to the night stand and placed the key inside the lock, turning it carefully until he heard a small click. Once opened, he found a few books, a compact, some lip balm, and…another envelope. This was it. He took the envelope in his hands and proceeded to open it. His eyes widened slightly. It was a letter to him from her that she’d never sent out. His hands trembled slightly as he began reading and he could almost hear her voice reading this to him.

Dear Captain,

Actually, I guess I should just call you Levi now since we’ve shared a kiss or two. (giggles) I am sitting here writing this letter to you just in case something happens to me because I want you to know the truth. I…I love you. I have loved you since the first time you sat down and had a decent conversation with me, since the first time you said you liked my tea and wanted nobody else to make it for you. I love you in a way that a soldier shouldn’t love her superior officer, but as a woman loves a man. I can’t seem to go a single day without finding myself thinking of you. I long for the day when you can hold me tightly in your arms and kiss me without having to worry about getting into trouble. You will always be in my dreams and in my heart no matter what. I want to always stay by your side and devote myself to you for the rest of my life. No matter what happens between us, I just want you to know that you will eternally hold a piece of my heart. I love you…Levi.

Yours,

Petra

He carefully folded up the letter and placed it in his jacket pocket as he got up and exited the room once more. He then banged his fist against the wall in frustration, his face red in a torrent of mixed emotions: “Damn it Petra! What are you doing to me?!” 

It was now several hours later and the cobalt-eyed captain was exhausted from the events of the day. He was thankful that it was night time again because he really needed sleep. After a quick shower, the threw his uniform back on and figured he would just sit around and sharpen some of his weapons before taking a small nap since he was about to go back out again in a mere 2 hours to help Hanji and Erwin. He was to go out and help them set up some titan traps so that Hanji could find new ones to baby and conduct experiments on. He glanced down at his reflection in the knife he was sharpening and remembered the last time he’d used this one was to stab to death the scum responsible for assaulting his friend Isabel. His reflection in the small blade hadn’t changed, and it was now encouraging him to take care of the problem that was plaguing him by himself with nobody else’s help. He rose from his desk and exited his room. Once out in the hallway, he found himself making his way down the stairs to the basement where they were keeping the lady titan shifter Annie Leonhart, who had encased herself in her own crystal ice prison in an un-wakeable sleep. As he noticed that Hanji wasn’t at her post and nobody else was in sight; he approached the woman in the ice and hissed in a detached, icy tone: “I’ll bet you’re just so damned proud of yourself right now you bitch. I don’t care if you’re human or titan…I hate you either way. You killed a lot of people that day, but when you killed her; you killed me too.” He lifted his knife over the crystal as he continued: “You took my life from me. The one thing of beauty in this entire filthy, disgusting, rotten world you crushed with a mere jerk of your hand as if you were swatting a fly.” His hand that was brandishing the knife over her began to violently shake in sadness and in anticipation of the revenge he so desperately wanted. He then began hacking at the crystal with a look in his eyes so full of anger, and blood lust, it would have even scared Eren in his titan form. With his voice just above a whisper, Levi declared: “Once I’m done with you…there will be nothing left. I don’t care if I have to become a monster to kill another monster.” He then stopped attacking the crystal with his small, murderous blade; as he heard footsteps quickly approaching. He quickly concealed his weapon in one of his belt’s holsters and took a seat in Hanji’s chair so as to not arose suspicion. Once the footsteps entered the room, he was greeted by a surprised Armin holding a book in his hands: ” Oh, you’re here tonight sir?”

The captain nodded and replied in his usual tone: “Shitty Glasses is getting ready for a night expedition. I’ll have to leave soon too.” 

The blonde boy nodded as he pulled up another chair and opened the book he had with him. 

Levi raised a curious eyebrow: “What are you doing down here so late Arlert?” 

Armin smiled solemnly as he skimmed through the pages of his book as he replied: “Every night at this time, I come down here and read to Annie. Sometimes I just talk to her.” He reached out momentarily and gently touched the woman in ice in front of him: “I know she can’t touch or answer me, but I know she can hear me. I can just feel it.” The blonde then glanced over at the steely-eyed captain a few feet from him and asked: “Do you ever feel like that sir? Like a person you can no longer touch or speak to can hear you?” 

Levi eyed him curiously: “What are you talking about?” 

Armin looked him dead in the eyes and asked in a serious, yet emotional tone: ” Do you believe in angels sir?” 

Levi stood up abruptly and replied in an emotionless tone: “I don’t believe in anything anymore that doesn’t have to do with the safety of humanity.” With that, he left Armin alone with the sleeping Annie and went upstairs to join up with Hanji and Erwin so they could get started setting up those traps. 

It was on very rare occasions like this where they were allowed to leave the protection of the walls at night, but since the titans all seemed to draw all of their energy from the sunlight; they would always use these rare moments to help Hanji further her knowledge of the beasts.

After they had finished setting up their second to last trap, Erwin noticed Levi was now off of his horse and lingering a little bit longer at that one tree than a person normally would. “This had to be where it happened.” the blonde-haired commander thought as he approached the captain while still atop his horse: “Hanji and I will place the last trap and then we can leave. We’ll be back shortly, so wait here.” 

Levi merely waved his hand and nodded, the whole time not turning around to face his commander. As he heard the two ride away and out of earshot, he felt the last of his self control finally shatter as he fell to his knees, a small bouquet of Tiger Lilies in his hands. He carefully placed the flowers at the base of the large tree before then placing the same hand on the tree in the same loving manner he’d seen young Arlert do earlier. He then spoke softly, his voice breaking: “You…you have to help me Petra. I feel like I’m losing my mind. You are the only one who knows how to bring me back. I…I…need you.” With his free hand, he took the letter she’d written him out of his coat pocket with a trembling hand as he continued: “Damn it! How could you say you love me so easily? I never deserved your love. I’m not as strong as you thought I was. I’m the monster who did this to you and I…I wish it had been me. I…I’m sorry I failed to protect you properly. I’m sorry you felt like you had to give your heart to me when I was too scared to give you mine in return…but the thing is…” He pounded his fist against the tree in frustration: “I needed you. I still need you. I’ll always need you…to…to…love me.” With that, he then felt the tears he’d been holding back for her, for everything else dear to him that had been taken away; fall to the ground as he cradled her letter tightly in his hand before letting out nearly ten years worth of raw emotion with a loud, painful scream as if he was challenging God himself. From a few yards away, Erwin held his head in his hands and Hanji’s eyes were brimming with tears behind her glasses at the sight of Humanity’s Strongest finally breaking down. All the pair could do was sit back, wait, and watch because they felt like they had no right to interrupt. 

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to any of them; a small figure stood just behind the tree, a single tear running down her cheek as she had heard everything that was just confessed to her. The figure removed her green hooded cloak, revealing only to the night sky her ginger hair and amber eyes. Petra walked over to her grieving captain and now with tears streaming down her face; knelt down behind him in a futile attempt to comfort him. She knew he couldn’t see her, but she had a slight sense that he could feel her touch as she placed a gentle hand upon the side of his tear-streaked face, and then noticed him jump a little. Just as fast as he’d jumped in surprise though, his facial expression then softened as he lifted his free hand up to his face and covered over the one he couldn’t see, as if just knowing someone was there comforting him. Petra gasped slightly at his touch as it felt like something she hadn’t felt in the past 6 months she’d been gone from this earth…she felt a small spark. With tears in her eyes, she watched Levi get back on his horse and ride away with Erwin and Hanji. She gazed lovingly down at the Tiger Lilies he’d left her and felt more tears begin to run down her face: “I love you Levi! I love you, but I don’t know what to do to help you! How can I comfort you when you can’t even really feel me or see me?!” She gazed up at the starry night sky and pleaded softly: “Please…I need to help him. I want to help him. I love him so much, but I just don’t know what I can do to help him when I’m like this!”

Suddenly, another figure appeared in front of her. He was a young brunette man in a cadets uniform with freckles across his face. Was he an angel too, like her? 

Before she could ask anything further, the young man responded to her questions with a kind, gentle smile as he held out his hand: ” I know how you can help him. Come with me.”


End file.
